SEN: Understanding Behaviour

24 FEBRUARY 2026

In this article, behaviour in young children is explained as a way of communicating their needs and feelings. It explores how children learn to manage their emotions with the support of caring adults through co-regulation and offers practical strategies to help parents respond and support their child’s self-regulation.

3 minute read

What is behaviour?

In young children, behaviour is often a way of expressing themselves to others. Children behave in many different ways, and these behaviours can change depending on the child's age, the environment, and the demands placed on the child at the time. As children move through the first 5 years of life, they are learning the skills needed to self-regulate independently and need the support of warm, responsive adults to help them get there.

What is independent self-regulation?

Independent self-regulation is the ability to recognise, respond to, and manage your big feelings. Before a child can self-regulate independently, they need support from a trusted adult who can attune to their emotions and respond sensitively. This is known as co-regulation.

How do we co-regulate?

Co-regulation happens when we respond to our child’s emotional state by:

Recognising when they are dysregulated.
Validating how they are feeling.
Responding by offering them a tool to regulate.

Why might my child be dysregulated?

There can be lots of potential reasons for a young child to become emotionally dysregulated. For example, they may be struggling to communicate their wants and needs to us, be hungry or hurt, or they may be finding the sensory environment difficult to manage. As parents/carers, it can be helpful to observe patterns of emotional dysregulation in different environments.

Take time to reflect on the times that your child has been upset and ask yourself some questions:

What was happening in the environment at the time? Was it busy with lots of people making lots of noise? Was it new or unfamiliar?
What was my child trying to communicate to me? Were they hungry? Tired? Needing a cuddle?
How did my child respond? Did they become upset, physically dysregulated or withdrawn?

By asking yourself questions like the ones above, you are beginning to do some detective work to understand what might be causing your child to become dysregulated.

How can I help when my child becomes dysregulated?

Young children benefit from knowing what’s happening and anticipating what’s coming next. We can support our children to feel regulated by talking to them about the routine of the day and by labelling what is happening now and what is happening next. You may want to use images to help you explain this. Take photos on your phone of the regular places that you visit and show these to your child as you explain the day.

Support your child in understanding how their emotions are felt in their bodies. Young children don’t always have the words to describe their emotions. As parents/carers, we can help our children by labelling the physical reactions we see. When we notice the physical reaction, we can also give our children the words linked to the feeling. For example, we might say to our child, “I think you’re sad because you are crying.”

Provide your child with a quiet space away from the busy environment where they can take the time to regulate.

Some children benefit from opportunities to physically self-regulate. This is the opportunity to feel the push and pull of their bodies.

Model skills in self-regulation. We can show our children how we help ourselves when we feel dysregulated. Taking deep breaths, having a drink or snack or taking a walk to regulate.

Looking for more?

For more advice and support, download our Understanding Autism Support Pack. You can find:

The autism spectrum
The diagnostic process
The early signs of the condition
How age and gender impacts the presentation of autism
Strategies to support communication and relationships

Download now

Early Years SEN: Understanding Behaviour