SEN & Behaviour: ODD & Conduct Disorder

It can be common for young children to disobey or fail to engage with a parental instruction due to distractions, tiredness, and if they feel stressed. The behavioural presentation of a child with ODD can be much more intense than a ‘typical’ presentation of occasional defiance. These behaviours can also occur much more frequently across multiple settings and can often disrupt a child’s daily functioning, relationships, and education.

The diagnostic criteria for ODD requires a child to have at least four symptoms from the following categories;

It is important to recognise that these are behaviours and not their identity. Children with ODD can often struggle with managing strong emotions, cope with underlying frustrations, or communicate their needs effectively. It is important that we learn to understand the root causes of these behaviours as this can help us to provide effective support. When a child feels safe, seen, and supported behaviours can begin to shift.

Supporting a child with ODD begins with understanding and empathy. However, it is also important that clear structures and boundaries are put into place. Here are some key strategies that can help support a child with ODD:

Try to avoid immediately correcting behaviour and instead focus on building a connection. Children are more likely to listen and respond when they feel safe, seen, and understood. Taking a moment to connect emotionally can de-escalate tension and allow for more effective communication.

For example, if your child is shouting or refusing to follow an instruction it may be beneficial to take a pause. It may not be helpful to immediately insist that they comply. Instead, you could say “I can see you're really upset right now is everything ok?”. This shows your child that you are there to understand and not to control. This approach can often help reduce defensiveness and allows for cooperation.

When a child is dysregulated, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed they are not in an appropriate emotional state to learn or reflect. Co-regulation means staying calm yourself and helping your child return to a more regulated state. This may involve breathing techniques, a quiet space, or offering your presence without judgment. Discipline is most effective when a child is calm and emotionally settled.

Notice positive behaviours and offer praise

Children with ODD often receive a lot of negative feedback and this can impact their self-esteem. Don’t forget to praise even the little moments when they cooperate or show kindness. This can really go a long way in encouraging your child. This helps reinforce positive behaviours, can help change the child’s negative self-image, and help build their self-esteem.

Children can find predictability helpful. Setting firm but fair boundaries and following through on them consistently helps create a sense of security. These boundaries should be communicated calmly and constructively. Over time this teaches children that rules aren’t about control but can be about safety and respect.

Helping children put words to their feelings can support them to better understand how they feel. For example, naming emotions can validate their experience and teaches emotional awareness. This can help build emotional intelligence and empowers them to respond more thoughtfully. You could also implement emotion charts as children can find visual tools helpful.

Instead of making decisions and solutions it can be helpful to involve your child in the process. For example, you could ask questions such as “what do you think we can do next time?” or “how could we solve this together?”. This helps gives them a sense of agency and encourages reflection and accountability.

Whilst ODD is often viewed through a negative lens it’s important to recognise the strengths behind the behaviour. Children with ODD often have high sensitivity, a strong sense of justice, and lots of persistence. These traits can fuel compassion, fairness, and resilience. Their intense passion and energy may sometimes present as defiance. However, with effective support it can be channelled into creativity, leadership, and advocacy. Behaviour that starts as oppositional can grow into healthy independence and confidence. By embracing these strengths and providing understanding, patience, and consistent guidance we can help our children with ODD to thrive.